There are so many confusing things about losing your memory. I can't even imagine what it must be like for familiar things to seem foreign, for your normal command of language to disappear, for easy mobility to be a thing of the past.
My mother has such a good sense of humor, that she is really making the best of a very strange time. She loves it when my husband goads her: "Good morning, glory," he'll say.
Mom: "who're you calling glory?" He'll listen as if for the first time to the same story about the new book(s) of poems she's been working on.
Mom: "It's called a potpourri of poetry. And there's another one that I'm working on called 'Always Home.'"
She's mostly recycling poems she's had in circulation for years now. But she is so engaged with them still. Tweaking little things here and there. Making ten more copies to send out again. I've been getting her poems in the mail for as long as I can remember. Lately, copies of the same ones every year. She has given poems to the dentist, the guy at her old post office, to strangers in restaurants. Amazed and touched every time, that people do love to read them.
This week, our big adventure was the haircut!
I kind of made it up as I went along, but it occurred to me how appropriate this dish towel was, once I'd gotten it completely covered with hair. My mom was a great mom to my brothers and me - her three little chickens in a row! No matter her own travails and failures, we were absolutely adored and made to feel we could do anything. I am trying to return the gift.
Once in a while, there are things I don't understand... I'm sure she doesn't either at this point. Like yesterday I found a wedding picture of mine, (it had been on her bulletin board) ripped up into pieces and left on the window sill.
On the back, had been a post-it note that got ripped up too...
As always she is self-deprecating. But what I love most is "scream" instead of screen.
Where does this come from? Was she mad at me, and like a four year old, acting out? Can you read anything into things like this, or are you crazy to give it any weight. I'm sure there are books and plenty of people with answers.
I guess I don't need to know. It breaks my heart that we can, even those of us fully cognitive, be reduced to these performances. And so I take it as another lesson, to listen, be more patient, kind. There is a world in there I can't even fathom. And all the world's a stage...
Meanwhile her hair turned out great!